Remind Yourself That It’s Not Your Fault
Unfortunately, wives are quick to blame themselves when this situation happens. They start being insecure and wondering if they’ve done anything wrong. This is when they think back to all the arguments and what could’ve been the possible trigger. You need to immediately stop these intrusive thoughts if you see them coming.
We’re here to tell you that it’s not your fault. No matter how bad of a wife you think you were, your husband’s cheating is his fault. Men are capable of distinguishing between right and wrong, so cheating is a choice they make. Cheating is a definitive deal-breaker for most people, which means they’ll end up in a failed marriage. While that isn’t the end of the world, they struggle to figure out how to move on with their lives. That’s what we’re here to find out.
Talk Things Out
Even though cheating means a probable end to your married life, you should still talk things out. Many make the mistake of thinking this means they want to solve this issue and save the marriage. However, this doesn’t need to be the case at all. It’s up to you to decide whether you want to continue the marriage or not, but you need to have a conversation first.
Talking about the reasons why this happened will put things in perspective for you. We know that you may not want to know why your husband cheated on you. But trust us when we say that it will give you peace of mind. You’ll be able to move on with this newfound peace and have the strength needed to continue supporting your children. That’s the most important thing, after all.
Keep Calm and Keep Cool
We know that the first thing you’ll want to do once you discover your partner’s affair is lose your mind over it. It’s easy to let yourself go, be angry, or even hysterical about it. Your feelings are completely justified, but maybe you shouldn’t be as explosive as you want to be. Suppressing emotions isn’t good in most cases, but try to keep your cool this time.
This should especially be the case when you’re confronting your husband. You’ll be seeing red, but yelling won’t contribute to the conversation. He knows what he did was wrong, so you can hear him out. This doesn’t mean you’ll forgive him now or ever, but you need to stay calm. Being calm will allow you to process information better. When it’s all said and done, you have all the freedom to go to your bedroom, cry, scream, and punch some pillows to let the emotions out.
Don’t Make Decisions Out of Emotions
Once you start seeing red, you’ll want to act fast. Some of the decisions people want to make after finding out they’ve been cheated on include:
- Leaving immediately
- Getting into a fight
- Thrashing their home
- Harming their spouse or the person they’ve cheated on you with
The decisions we make out of anger are never good and usually involve harmful or toxic behavior. Cheating in marriage is something nobody wants to go through. However, you shouldn’t make rash decisions when you’re in this situation. This is in direct connection with keeping calm. You’ll be angry once you find out, but notice how the decisions you want to make change when you calm down.
That’s why it’s so important to have a calm conversation with your spouse and then decide what you want to do. This way, you’ll be making informed decisions that you won’t live to regret.
Don’t Play the Blame Game
So, how to move on from a failed marriage? Not by playing the blame game. It’s so easy to blame yourself or your partner whenever a conflict in marriage happens. You should give any conflict a thought before blaming anyone for what happened. In the case of cheating, though, you’re free to blame your husband for what happened. How come? Well, this is a decision he consciously made.
He knew all about the consequences of his actions, and he still did what he did. Of course, he can try turning the tables and blaming you instead. He might try to say that you’ve been a bad wife and not given him what he needs. So, he was simply trying to seek it with someone else. You must remember that it’s never your fault, no matter how much he tries to blame you. Be firm in this belief, so he can start taking responsibility for his own actions.
Keep Your Kids Away From the Issue
When spouses have a conflict, it’s usually difficult for them to keep their kids out of it. This is usually because they just start arguing in the heat of the moment. Unfortunately, arguments like these can be very harmful to the kids. That’s why you should always insist on having arguments and resolving issues privately. Maybe you’re in the middle of a grieving process, but your kids don’t have to be a part of it.
Sure, your children will find out that you and your husband are separating. This won’t be easy for them to process, and they may take a long time to heal. However, you don’t have to make it harder by arguing in front of them all the time. Instead, ensure you’re dealing with this situation privately.
Lastly, the best thing you can do for your life after divorce is to seek therapy. You may think you’re able to deal with this on your own because you aren’t feeling the effects of this traumatic event just yet. But it will take a toll on your mental health. This is the case no matter how long you and your husband have been together. Once you find a good therapist, they’ll be able to guide you in the right direction.
Aside from being in therapy, you can seek out support groups for divorcees. Knowing that other people relate to you and have been through the same thing will comfort you. The healing process can often be long and tedious, but at least you’re not going through it alone. Whenever you get stuck thinking the burden of being cheated on is too difficult to bear, just remember that this isn’t where life ends for you. Just keep pushing forward, and life will be what you make it.